Into the Pink, Part 1 of 4
Beyond the GI Joes and Transformers; beyond the superheroes and space ships; beyond the fields we know, there are other lands. There are vast plateaus of cribs and diapers, where toy collectors are wise to avoid. There are racks of bikes, which hold little interest to us.
But strangest of all is the fabled jungle of pink, which few of us have explored. Here, it is said, there dwells the strangest of toys, oddities unlike those which exist in the aisles we travel. There are said to be dolls, some so small they can hardly be seen with the naked eye; others so large they’d kill a grown man if he were trapped beneath.
I have long heard of this place - I’ve even gone so far as to approach its border from time to time - but I’ve never dared enter its depths.
Until now.
This is my field guide, a journal of my exploration of the Pink Lands. I hope one day to see it published, God willing. Otherwise, if I do not escape alive from the twisting corridors and bright colors, then I hope, somehow, my work survives to further the cause of science and man’s pursuit of knowledge.
But strangest of all is the fabled jungle of pink, which few of us have explored. Here, it is said, there dwells the strangest of toys, oddities unlike those which exist in the aisles we travel. There are said to be dolls, some so small they can hardly be seen with the naked eye; others so large they’d kill a grown man if he were trapped beneath.
I have long heard of this place - I’ve even gone so far as to approach its border from time to time - but I’ve never dared enter its depths.
Until now.
This is my field guide, a journal of my exploration of the Pink Lands. I hope one day to see it published, God willing. Otherwise, if I do not escape alive from the twisting corridors and bright colors, then I hope, somehow, my work survives to further the cause of science and man’s pursuit of knowledge.
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Day 1. It seems like weeks I’ve been on foot, traversing the lower plains, where herds of stuffed animals roam, as they have no doubt since Adam and Eve were thrown from Eden. I climbed the escalator; nearly falling to my death on more than one occasion, only to come across the Lego marshes, the block infested land where I lost my guide to malaria. I am alone now, in the outlands of the Pink. There are strange things here, miniature toy animals the size of scarabs. They are matted in a type of flocking; I know not whether they are poisonous, but I try to keep my distance. Their eyes are on me always. Even when I've passed beyond their sight, I feel as though I'm being watched. A chill creeps along my spine. This is no world for an action figure collector. |
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At first, there was only an odd shimmer in the distance. As I approached the jungle, the world around me began to change. Now the floor displays grow thick and tall. Still, I push on, driven forward by curiosity even as my fear tries to hold me back.
My maps end here. Beyond this point, I've nothing to guide me but my hope and wits. If I were truly wise, I wonder, would I not turn back now? Would I not run from this brightly colored landscape from which no man is known to have returned with his sanity intact?
But I've come so far. So I swallow my fear and step forward.
It is around me now; the jungle of pink toys and pinker packaging. It is everywhere. The canopy has blotted out the sky. Neither sunlight nor moonlight can reach the ground unhindered. That which does filter through the displays above is tinted pink in color.
Pink, like everything else.
My maps end here. Beyond this point, I've nothing to guide me but my hope and wits. If I were truly wise, I wonder, would I not turn back now? Would I not run from this brightly colored landscape from which no man is known to have returned with his sanity intact?
But I've come so far. So I swallow my fear and step forward.
It is around me now; the jungle of pink toys and pinker packaging. It is everywhere. The canopy has blotted out the sky. Neither sunlight nor moonlight can reach the ground unhindered. That which does filter through the displays above is tinted pink in color.
Pink, like everything else.
Part Two is now available. Click here to venture further into the pastel jungle.
