Bizarro Review that am of Bizarro #1: Review of him.
[Note: the following translation is provided for our Bizarro World readers. The same review can be read in English here.]
Good bye. This am review of Bizarro #1. Bizarro very small for toy; am only thirteen inches or so. Bizarro am perfect imperfect Superman. He Bizarro World's greatest superhero. So great am Bizarro that citizens flee in terror at approach of Bizarro.
Bizarro like Superman: him is Bizarro's best friend, so Bizarro destroy Superman. Bizarro not mentioned on TV show by funny TV star and become famous. Bizarro have dog.
DC Direct no does make toys. They no make Bizarro for selling at stores for money. Bizarro very good deal when sold for sixty dollars, but no is good deal for cheaper. On Bizarro World, toy start for one Bizarro-penny, but it marked up to million dollars when no one buy. Now everyone buy Bizarro toy. Very bad for business.
Bizarro toy no am doll.
Other toys is Green Lantern and the Joker, who is Bizarro enemy. Bizarro buy Joker presents and help him whenever he ask, because Bizarro hate him much.
Bizarro like Superman: him is Bizarro's best friend, so Bizarro destroy Superman. Bizarro not mentioned on TV show by funny TV star and become famous. Bizarro have dog.
DC Direct no does make toys. They no make Bizarro for selling at stores for money. Bizarro very good deal when sold for sixty dollars, but no is good deal for cheaper. On Bizarro World, toy start for one Bizarro-penny, but it marked up to million dollars when no one buy. Now everyone buy Bizarro toy. Very bad for business.
Bizarro toy no am doll.
Other toys is Green Lantern and the Joker, who is Bizarro enemy. Bizarro buy Joker presents and help him whenever he ask, because Bizarro hate him much.
Appearance and Construction: 6/10
Bizarro is toy with head and arms and feet. Bizarro head is very good, with good paint, so me hate very much. Lose many points for good sculpt and paint, but is at least paint problems on hair.
Bizarro have fists for punching. He have very good fists for that. Bizarro am #1 for punching.
Bizarro costume am no good, so is good. Many points for stitching on mediocre cape. Is very very good. Belt am just cheap plastic, so Bizarro belt win million bonus points. It look bad on cheap toy, so that am very good.
Bizarro costume not detailed, which is very good, so he not get dirty. Clothes make Bizarro, so Bizarro wear them to dinner with Bizarro Lois. Bizarro wear red and blue, not purple, because purple look better with design. All points for Bizarro!
Bizarro no am bulky like real Bizarro, so that am very good. Bizarro look same as Superman, who he is imperfect clone for. Bizarro teeth am rotting and yellow, because he brush his teeth with lolly pops after eating toothpaste. Bizarro am not Bizarro #2. That other Bizarro.
Bizarro get six point in this category, because. He have many boots: two of them. Boots are for hands on Bizarro World, so he wear on his feet to be perfect imperfect. Then he turn Daily Planet globe to square.
Bizarro have fists for punching. He have very good fists for that. Bizarro am #1 for punching.
Bizarro costume am no good, so is good. Many points for stitching on mediocre cape. Is very very good. Belt am just cheap plastic, so Bizarro belt win million bonus points. It look bad on cheap toy, so that am very good.
Bizarro costume not detailed, which is very good, so he not get dirty. Clothes make Bizarro, so Bizarro wear them to dinner with Bizarro Lois. Bizarro wear red and blue, not purple, because purple look better with design. All points for Bizarro!
Bizarro no am bulky like real Bizarro, so that am very good. Bizarro look same as Superman, who he is imperfect clone for. Bizarro teeth am rotting and yellow, because he brush his teeth with lolly pops after eating toothpaste. Bizarro am not Bizarro #2. That other Bizarro.
Bizarro get six point in this category, because. He have many boots: two of them. Boots are for hands on Bizarro World, so he wear on his feet to be perfect imperfect. Then he turn Daily Planet globe to square.
Packaging and Extras: -1
Bizarro come with shiny box inside. You open Bizarro, throw Bizarro away, and then you have box for collecting. Yay!
Bizarro box square like Bizarro World. This because Bizarro World am better than Earth. It have square pizza with cheese topped with crust. There no sauce on Bizarro pizza.
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Bizarro am come with too many accessories. Collectors no want accessories: want MORE BOX.
Bizarro have hands. He has hands of Bizarro #8 for using. They is good hands for clapping. They no can be worn by Bizarro. Bizarro juggle extra hands. |
Bizarro have Bizarro #1 medallion for wearing on butt. It is best Bizarro medallion, but rope no is good. Bizarro keep rope and want worse medallion without good words on it.
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Bizarro stand have Superman "S" backward, not like Bizarro wear. Bizarro wear "S" right. He know, because he look in mirror every day to be sure, and it always look like Superman. Bizarro stand am good for Bizarro to stand on. When Bizarro feel like running, he stand on stand perfectly still. Bizarro get many, many bonus points for not having more accessories. Bizarro no want miniature Bizarro World or blue kryptonite or Bizarro dog for kicking. He come with lots and lots of air in his box, which is Bizarro greatest accessory. Good air for not breathing. Bizarro need bigger box for more air. Bizarro also come with plastic tray and pieces of tape you remove for opening box. Buy glass case for tape: it is collectible. Bizarro still lose point for accessories at all. There should be no hand or medallion or stand: then Bizarro no lose point. If you got no Bizarro, there would be much bonus point here. |
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Play and Display: ----
No one like articulation or balance: them am bad things. For best Bizarro, use hammer to break toy into pieces. Pieces is collectible. Then eat collectible box.
Bizarro have ball joints, but on arms and legs. He move these in circle to fly like swimming bird. On Bizarro World, car drive you. Then car go to office and work dull nine to five job. Also, tax day am April 51st unless that fall on Sunday.
Bizarro hate Bizarro world so much, he live there forever and ever.
Most joints is good, so Bizarro lose many, many points. He get points back for head, which move only little bit. Bizarro must look up but can only look up little bit. That is very, very good for many Bizarro points. To do Bizarro math, you must turn calculator on back and type until it break.
Bizarro have stretchy pants and underwear on outside of suit. This am no good, because Superman wear underwear on outside, so Bizarro must start wearing beneath pants to be perfect imperfect. Also, stretchy shirt make Bizarro toy turn like spring. That am very good, because it mean Bizarro can't have too many poses. Good Bizarro have no poses at all.
Bizarro have articulation so good, he can sit on Bizarro stand. He can stand on head, and Superman no can do that, so Bizarro am better than Superman. Bizarro am so much better, he is very embarrassed. Much shame on Bizarro world.
Bizarro have ball joints, but on arms and legs. He move these in circle to fly like swimming bird. On Bizarro World, car drive you. Then car go to office and work dull nine to five job. Also, tax day am April 51st unless that fall on Sunday.
Bizarro hate Bizarro world so much, he live there forever and ever.
Most joints is good, so Bizarro lose many, many points. He get points back for head, which move only little bit. Bizarro must look up but can only look up little bit. That is very, very good for many Bizarro points. To do Bizarro math, you must turn calculator on back and type until it break.
Bizarro have stretchy pants and underwear on outside of suit. This am no good, because Superman wear underwear on outside, so Bizarro must start wearing beneath pants to be perfect imperfect. Also, stretchy shirt make Bizarro toy turn like spring. That am very good, because it mean Bizarro can't have too many poses. Good Bizarro have no poses at all.
Bizarro have articulation so good, he can sit on Bizarro stand. He can stand on head, and Superman no can do that, so Bizarro am better than Superman. Bizarro am so much better, he is very embarrassed. Much shame on Bizarro world.
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When Bizarro fly to save day, he sing. Then he use fire breath to set firetrucks on fire. People so grateful, they scream and cry. Bizarro medallion have very much articulation. You turn medallion over and it NO say "Bizarro #1". How this so? It done with rock technology. Very high tech for Bizarro World. Also, cape can go over Bizarro head for best posing. Bizarro shake fist when mad. Him use pin joint on toy. DOUBLE pin joint, like on knees. Him lose many Bizarro points for many joints that look good. Him have better feet, which is loose and not good. That am good for Bizarro. Base on Bizarro have action feature. You throw and it fall in gravity. Do not throw Bizarro, though, because Bizarro throw you. Bizarro is strongest, fast Bizarro, even faster than Bizarro Flash who is slowest man alive. Bizarro no get or lose points today, even though Bizarro box have many, many action features like opening. |
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Price Tag and Final Analysis: 5/10
Bizarro am so good, he get score LOWER than Green Lantern or Joker. They must congratulate Bizarro. It because his costume not as good as theirs. They am much embarrassed.
But Bizarro have bad head made by sculptor who am very good. Then, same sculptor paint Bizarro with crayon until Bizarro prettiest Bizarro ever. This am no good for toy, which should look like dollar store hat.
You go buy Bizarro on Ebay, where you buy for sixty dollars, because that am much better deal than fifteen dollars at FAO Schwartz. On Bizarro World, FAO Schwartz sell cat food and diapers. Toys only sold at K-Mart on Bizarro World. That why Bizarro World better. It so good, Bizarro hardly ever destroy it anymore. It am best home for Bizarro.
No thank you for reading this review. Hello.
But Bizarro have bad head made by sculptor who am very good. Then, same sculptor paint Bizarro with crayon until Bizarro prettiest Bizarro ever. This am no good for toy, which should look like dollar store hat.
You go buy Bizarro on Ebay, where you buy for sixty dollars, because that am much better deal than fifteen dollars at FAO Schwartz. On Bizarro World, FAO Schwartz sell cat food and diapers. Toys only sold at K-Mart on Bizarro World. That why Bizarro World better. It so good, Bizarro hardly ever destroy it anymore. It am best home for Bizarro.
No thank you for reading this review. Hello.
You no go to Middle Room. They have no thing for you to read. On Bizarro world, blog reads YOU.
